The Story

I am tired..
I want to rest without any burden when I wake up later ..
I want someone to hug me, and say "You've done well .." "thank you .."
"you have done your best .."

When the morning comes, welcome with a smile all day ..
and then when night comes only a cry that you will hear ..

I'm afraid, they say depressed people have a weak faith ..
I can not run to anyone except God ..
but..
what I need right now is a support from the people around me ..

is it a sin if I say I'm tired of my life?
am I less grateful?
they say I should be grateful for my life right now ..
they say lots of people worse than me ..

I am grateful .. I pray every moment for life that is given to me at this time ..
but is it a sin when I'm tired of the high expectations of people about me ..?

my lifestyle started to fall apart ..
when night becomes the most comfortable time for me and day becomes a frightening time for me ..

when I wake up, I'm afraid to meet people ..
I'm afraid to hear what they say ..
I'm afraid with their gaze to me ..
I'm scared .. everything is so scary .. 

My life

I want people to love me, the real me..
really painful at the moment I just want to escape for a moment of all the burdens ..  
I just wanted a short break, and for the first time I ignore my responsibilities ..  
I knew it was the wrong thing to remove the responsibility. but I only made one mistake ..  
I'm not a perfect girl, I can not promise to remain a perfect girl forever.. when others can make a mistake why can I not ?

I am currently struggling .. struggling alone to fight depression I was going through, it is not easy to go through this all without being known by people around you.

only a few close friends who knew of my condition, one of the most friends I believe she even advised me to go to a psychiatrist .. I'm afraid, my friend always says "it's okay, I'll come with you"

I was afraid not to meet with a psychiatrist, but what people see of me, perhaps in another country if depression is one of the things that really noticed but in my country, it may be as a disgrace?a shameful thing, even they will tell a depressed person is a lunatic.

I never thought that in my lifetime I will experience a depressive phase as today's most troublesome levels .. I even shut away from everyone, I do not ever want to get out of my room.I even shut myself from my family and friends .. 


This is the first story I want to write about me .. :')

Hello

Hello..
My little world..
How are you?
If you ask me the same thing, my answer is ... I'm Fine
I hope I'll always ... 'Fine'
I'm supposed to be strong ..

But..
I'm tired..
So tired...
I just want my real life..